Web of Loneliness Poems

Poems of the Lonely

Tag Archives: scream

My Black Hole

Not worth my tears,

Not worth my blood,

Yet, I still cry,

Yes, I still cut.

 

I feel so alone,

Just me, myself and I,

I always thought that was ok,

Turns out to have been a lie.

 

I know what I wanted to happen,

On this family holiday,

To spend some time alone with you,

Your face and actions scream stay away.

 

We should have had that talk,

Before we boarded the plane,

You didn’t want to do that though,

Didn’t notice I was in pain.

 

I know that I caused what you did,

You put up with me for long enough,

But you couldn’t bring yourself to talk to me,

Cheating? That was just rough.

 

I have never liked lies in any form,

The truth hurts but in a different way,

Now I question every single thing,

What you do and what you say.

 

Sitting in the back of this car,

Crying very quietly,

Our daughter and your mum on my left,

You driving and your dad in front of me.

 

Our boys are with your uncle,

Your brother’s driving them in the other car,

I am here all by myself,

Stupidly I didn’t think about it being so far.

 

I know its a few thousand miles,

Only for a couple of weeks,

It was way too soon to attempt this,

I’m praying my tears leave no streaks.

 

So what happens when we get home?

You’ve got her and I’ve got the kids,

You will continue to lie and to hurt me,

Truly, you are a shit.

 

I know you have a lot on your plate,

Losing your job and maybe your home,

I’m the last person you want to think about,

You think I just bitch and moan.

 

Even after all you have done,

I miss you more and more,

I know that you don’t want me,

My being the mother of your kids must be such a bore.

 

There is another man,

An interested party,

He sounds quite safe and better still,

He thinks he could like me.

 

For all my dislike of lies,

I haven’t been entirely honest,

I neglected to mention my disability,

My depression? That’s just a bonus.

 

I will come clean before we meet,

Of that I have no doubt,

To meet before I drop that bombshell,

Would be uncomfortable should he wish to back out.

 

I ‘met’ him on a dating site,

We exchanged numbers and started to text,

It seems we have a lot in common,

On paper, he could be perfect.

 

I thought I was ready to meet,

Someone new, to try to love again,

Unfortunately, I’m still head over heels,

With the man who chose to walk away?

 

Is it just me being stupid?

He picked her more than once,

He truly doesn’t want me,

I have to stop being such a dunce.

 

I have to toughen up now,

It’s been two years that I’ve been alone,

I really didn’t think I would manage,

I don’t usually cope well on my own.

 

This has to be the end now,

Life is too damned short,

He’d still be cheating on me now,

If only he hadn’t been caught.

 

He comes out smelling of roses,

Like washing powder, whiter than white.

Well if that’s how it is going to be,

Then I’ll have to be alright.

 

Alright is exactly what I will be,

I have to be and that’s that,

I’m a dog person anyway,

Not going to be the lady with more than one cat!!

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Poems by MPK

The Enemy Within

The walls are crumbling…

distant cannons are rumbling,

the silence is screaming in my head,

the streets are deserted, but for the dead.

Why am I here all by myself?

Why have I been left here so bereft?

No one here to fight at my side,

the enemy approaches, nearly inside.

Why did everyone desert their posts?

Their armor here for none but ghosts.

My comrades lie here all alone,

on the streets made of crimson stone.

The stores are all burning, their fires fraught,

with reflections of battles we all fought.

For pride and spoils all was lost,

peace and honor were the cost.

The enemy is here, he’s at the gate,

I’m all alone now to meet my fate.

My captors are storming the great stone walls,

I hear their footsteps and their calls.

Where do I go now, where do I hide,

no mercy is left for me to abide.

The enemy is upon me, I feel the heat,

of their eyes upon me, pure hatred to meet.

My heart beats faster to a flutter,

panic arises, my throat to shutter.

Where once I was strong,

no hope can last long.

The enemy is here, no longer afield,

battlements no longer able to shield,

Where once was strength, no longer can be,

as the enemy is here, and it is in me.

-MPK

 

 

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My Heart Hurts

“My heart hurts” sounds like such a simple phrase,

but it’s meaning to me is great.

This phrase my last attempt to cry out

from the anger and hurt that won’t abate.

Not a very good descriptive

but the only one I have to explain,

the knots in my stomach moving up

to choke the air in my throat again.

“My heart hurts” is all I can tell the docs.

They look at me and try to see,

never realizing how true and

powerful this simple statement can be.

How long I have been fighting

these demons and anguish unseen?

How long can I live in this world

of charred remains of the old me?

‘Tis not the song of a lark in the morn,

but a cry from the dark within,

from my inner self so empty,

yet so full of anger to oblivion.

A locked Pandora’s box

riding heavily on my back,

tarnishing my heart and soul

in shades of green and black.

“My heart hurts”

Tis not a punishment for my beliefs,

Just pain unimaginable

piercing without mercy or relief.

My heart hurts is all I can say…

in hopes of keeping this horror at bay…

My heart hurts is all I may say…

to make it through another day…

My heart hurts is all I will say…

before I decide whether to go or stay.

–          mpk

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The Thief

This life I live seems bleak, and only but a lie,

these potent feeling overwhelm, and will not be denied..

I casually greet people living all around me, or so I make it seem,

but deep inside, my thoughts are raging, and swirling all around..

He came upon me when I was defenseless and so very fragile,

and stole my tender dreams, my control and all my power.

I tried and tried to fight and find some hidden weapon,

but in the end, he wore me down..retreat my only option.

I sit here on the edge, looking out and try to see,

The sunlight, mists and moonbeams; their beauty calls to me.

Sometimes I catch a feather, an angel dropped in passing.

I search deep inside my soul for truths not misbegotten,

Why can’t I be content with life just as it is?

Why does love elude me along with simple peace?

Sometimes it feels as if there just no more hope,

each day I have to struggle, for another way to cope.

Sometimes I wonder if my heart will be forever sealed.

I want to soar so very far away, free upon the wind,

but captive I still remain for he goes wherever I am,

he lives and breathes in the darkest realms of me.

Some days I feel a ray of hope or glimmer of love held out to me,

I grieve for the girl I used to be, who could laugh and do anything,

He does not let me feel the caress of hope on whispered breeze,

nor will he let me hear the words of comfort or of grace.

Why can’t I resist this roller coaster ride of shame?

Why can’t I just say no to this, my own other blackened side?

Sometimes I feel I cannot take the paralyzing pain,

I wonder if I’ll break apart, or even remain sane.

How can I abolish or relieve this dreadful terror?

How in the end, did I lose, all that I held so dear?

These question strike dread so deep within my heart,

I feel so alone, behind these frigid walls of stone.

The battle rages on, although I grow so weary…

When will this struggle end…that has so ravaged my soul?

Most days I scream inside and endure this horrid agony…

in silence, in the dark, alone and without leave.

In the end I think my death, may be the only way…

ghos to stop this potent thief…named Fear.

Untitled

Kicking, screaming, without speaking a word, clawing at the walls of the prison imposed on you. Shut your mouth, your words aren’t theirs, and in the name of open-mindedness, all you can speak are theirs, taking care with your actions, for all you can act is like them. Should you defy, you are living in sin, against the norm, imposed within. Silent scream, it can’t come out, it can’t be heard, for what it’s about. Starve it out, bleed it out…but never speak it out. Live in their prison, but never complain, hush now, little one, not a word of the pain, just starve it out, starve it all away, until you can’t care. Apathetic robot, doing as they say, cannot be different, cannot be sane, cannot be free from so much pain. Bleed it out, starve it out, cry out loud, but don’t utter a word, of what it’s about…fall to the floor, a lifeless heap, lie on the floor and pray for sleep, that rarely comes and never stays, that age old myth that conformity pays. But this way, you’re still OK. No crime yet, but against yourself, no harsh words or price to pay. Picked up off the floor, of the prison they built, brushed off, cleaned up, without any guilt. Lest to yourself, who you’ve cruelly betrayed, still in this prison, that conformity made. And they say, “Poor girl, I wonder what’s wrong.”

Scream it out, cry it out, yell, rant and rave, closing the wounds that conformity gave. Open your mouth and speak what you see, never popular, but still so free. Knocked down, beat down, with words meant to tear, no longer in prison but no worse for the wear. Pick yourself up, you are no longer theirs, away from their world, there are no longer tears. Against the norm, you’re living in sin, no longer confined by the rules within. The odd one out, a loon, freak, a fool, is what they will say, when you cease to live by their rule. Beat down, kicked out, driven insane, and you think about those days when conformity came. Could you go back to living their way, in silent despair, but without those words, meant to tear?

Kicking, screaming, without speaking a word, clawing at the walls of the prison imposed on you. Starve it out, bleed it out, same old song, they pick you up off the floor, and wonder what’s wrong.

Untitled

I am always alone
nobody calls me on the phone
i cant talk to my dad cause he’ll just scream at me
my mother lives far away and i doubt that she’ll be
concerned with anyone else
besides herself
my hopes and dreams are
best put on the shelf
best forgotten about cause
all i want to do is hang out with people tonight
but i cant do that without starting some dumb fight
it doesn’t matter, even if i believe that im right
because at the end of the day
i still lose
left by myself with nothing to say
loneliness is not something that you choose
-Fremen

Loneliness is a Sly Poison

Loneliness is a sly poison.

It creeps over your body like an oil slick on the ocean,

Slowly engulfing every pore, quietly penetrating your heart,

Permeating your inner core, your very being.

It leaves you feeling cold and empty inside,

Isolated, out of touch with others,

Passionately wanting to reach out to someone,

But you are choked out, unable to do so.

ur heart cries out with pain, and no one listens.

Loneliness is paralyzing.

As the busy world goes rushing by

You continue to go through the motions,

But you are disconnected, unable to relate.

Your sorrow is impenetrable.

Your spiral of despair begins to gain speed,

Life looks dismal and bleak.

I want this insidious poison to leave me

But it hangs on, a dull deep ache,

That screams in my head.