Web of Loneliness Poems

Poems of the Lonely

Tag Archives: knife

Loneliness

Loneliness is the limbo land between ‘Don’t call me anymore.’ and ‘Nice to meet you.’
Loneliness is washing the same 1 plate and cup and knife and fork over and over again.
It is never using Your mug, in case You come back.

It’s a 4am glass of water at the kitchen sink in his t-shirt, Wondering if he ever stands alone,
half naked and vulnerable,
woken from a nightmare and thinking of me.

It’s hyper vigilant, on the nightwatch,
waiting for the dawn to break so that you can finally let go of yesterday and sleep your way through a new day,
because it still counts as long as you can mark it on the calendar,
another day closer to becoming the person that you aren’t right now.

Loneliness is wanting to call but having nothing new to say,
So you type it out and file it away,
With the love letters he was never ready to receive.

Loneliness is not speaking to a single soul all day
and so you talk outloud before answering the phone so it doesnt come out as a croak,
too soft or too loud,
because in your silent vigile to spinsterdom,
you’ve forgotten just how to use your own voice.

Loneliness is lighting a candle to your former self, wondering if she’s still out there somewhere patiently waiting.

It is the box of love letters,
and cards and relationships lost at sea,
which scream at you from the corner of the room,
that you were once loved.

Loneliness is the sharp stab in your heart,
in the moments between you drying the kitchen knife and pushing it into the knife block,
the shadow behind that voice that whispers, please don’t!
Put the knife down!

Loneliness is me without you,
abruptly and roughly torn apart.
Loneliness is me lost inside,
aware of how loud my breathing is,
noticing how it echoes around me like an empty ballroom once filled with chatter and excitement and romance.

Loneliness is me staring into a mirror and seeing there is something missing behind my eyes,
which tear up with tides of broken shards of my glass heart, each one whispering ‘I miss you’ as they roll down my cheeks and onto my chest,
my body trying to cleanse myself of you,
while I try to force them back,
to fill in the empty spaces where you and I used to be.

 

 

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A Bit of Imagination

I can’t push the knife in
I can’t make the cut
I can’t turn the wheel
I can’t step off the kerb
I can’t take the pills
All I can do is imagine
I picture the knife going in
I imagine the lorry hitting
I see the wall racing towards me
I dream of drifting away
Escaping the  empty days
Not enduring the lonely nights
Not having to deal with this
Or cope with them
Or struggle with that
No more thinking
No more worry
No more envy
No more hating myself
No more anger
But there’s no coming back
By Sudhakar Patel

More Poems by Math

NEVER AGAIN
When the sun goes down, the light goes out and the darkness creeps within. When Love’s not around, Fear whispers in my ear, “it’s never coming back again.”
Amidst the overwhelming blue seeping through every orifice in sight, floats a small, round clock. First enters the questions, “Where am I? What happened to me? How did I get here? What do I do now?” My mind wanders through countless theories searching for the logical reasoning behind it all. Simultaneously, everything gets blurry and the muscles in my face start to tingle. Then, a quick realization of the situation at hand…I’m drowning. Bursting out of the deep blue, I land on the small, round clock and struggle to regulate the oxygen rushing into my lungs. Now lying on the clock, I stare up at the monotonous fields of gray sky. I’ve escaped one death only to lose myself to another.
.
– comments pertaining to NEVER AGAIN: I wrote this after leaving a relationship that was not going very well. It’s about a realization that my dependency for the love of another means that by leaving a relationship that was causing negative emotion for the unknown depths of loneliness is a tough situation.
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MISERY’S DRUDGE
I often wondered how I managed to live a life so immensely rife with strife until the day I realized whose hand it was holding the knife. With every step, I felt it piercing my spine and causing a mental decline as if the wielder made it a point to confine my mind. I tried to defy the pain by claiming my spirit will never die and not once did I ever apply the idea that it was all just a lie to try to deny the truth from my own eye. I was not strong enough to accept that it was I all along who had been in the wrong. There’s a certain picture I’ve been painting over time, hoping to wipe off all the sludge and grime so that I may finally let go of a grudge and reach a moment so sublime. But now it seems I must eternally climb the highest mountains and trudge through slime as Misery’s drudge to pay for my crime.
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– comments pertaining to MISERY’S DRUDGE: I wrote this recently, when realizing that I was over-reacting about something because I constantly over-analyze everything. It’s about how I am the only one who consistently and effectively makes my own life harder to emotionally handle.

The Vampire Shadow

This road filled with iron tears

Constant companion

Yearning on a level untold

Faith in the purpose of life, shaken to its core

.

Breathing air that only serves to torment

Poking a sharp knife in the heart of a tender life

Words that strangle hearts, like vines and a bitter cage

Fervent attempts at a connection

In a far away, heart wrenching land

.

An evil word, supposedly beneficial

The closeness of true warmth and love

Never realized

Instincts and desires that are questioned

Like so many millions fragments of splintered ice

Beautiful in their design Sinister in their intent

.

Pictures on a glowing plane

Beckoning, like some miraculous lighthouse

Nervousness and sweat that let me know

What is in my heart is real

.

Dark grey skies of winter

Wretched and torn

But it is all it knows

Head in hands, face down on the floor

I can see you standing there

.

Days of twisted hope, in some limitless vacuum

Thoughts of you make me realize

Of how far I really have to go

Not only in distance, but in some realm that only I can know

.

A flower, found in an unsuspecting manner

Drawing me in with luscious nectar

But now, I seek refuge and sanctuary

From thoughts that injure

In darkness and silence, I find my only friend

And friend is a word that can tear out a soul

.

This poem is about a special girl tha lives in Romania. I had met her through chatting on the net, but never in person. I have talked with her on the phone as well. I have had a very tough time in comprehending the fact that this person is real. I live in the US, so it is hard for us to meet. I just know that I have been wanting her badly, and not being able to meet her for real caused me a lot of heartache. I think this poem captures the way I felt.

I still miss her badly.