It is a Hollow I cannot fill,
I pine for it,
But I do not belong, anywhere.
I watch groups of friends interact,
Smile, laugh, kiss, dance,
It hurts so badly as I realise want to be a part of it so much,
I want to laugh without a care in the world,
I want to have days where we get together and just talk about the things we love.
I want days where we just mess about and do nothing,
I want to be able to give and receive hugs and kisses,
I want to be capable of love, of trust,
But I understand that, it is not to be.
I am always looking in from outside,
Standing on the edge smiling pathetically to myself,
Living vicariously through those that I watch,
Spending evenings imagining myself as a part of those groups,
Tears coursing down my cheeks as I smile dreaming of the things I can never have,
Taking a sadistic pleasure in gathering as many memories of those forbidden pleasures,
Of comfort, of happiness and love,
I cannot stop watching for fear of drowning in the depression of a realisation where I truly understand that I am denied the very things I spend my days viewing.
Alone I stand outside that dirty window peering in.
Even if I could gather up the courage to knock on the glass and ask to be let in, I would fall short.
Because in my world, although there is a window, there is certainly not….