Web of Loneliness Poems

Poems of the Lonely

Tag Archives: emptiness

What the Day Said

As we began our journey the sun shone brightly.
My companions: the rusty remains of my trusty bike
And the emptiness that filled me.

The bike took me where it would.
Sailing down winding streets past a patchwork of houses.
Racing through the town where the music lived.
Then, it was off to the sea.

The bike stopped at a bench in the sand.
The respite of motion was murdered on cedar planks.
Now my eyes – long since dead – were forced to witness life.

Colorful umbrellas dotted the landscape, soon to fade.
Beautiful children played in the sand, soon to lose their innocence.
Blissful lovers hand in hand on the beach, soon to argue and part.
In the ocean was an old woman, her face haggard and drawn.
Once she was young and beautiful, vibrant and alive.
Now she stood alone and lonely in the vastness of the sea.

Presently, the bike found a well-worn path running along a busy road.
Flying now along the cobblestone to the beauty of a pond.
The seclusion of the place was not welcome. Still, the water drew me to its edge.
There, I pondered the reflection of an old man.
There, a lovely, lonely bird cried out in sorrow for his mate.
There, the old man nodded and turned away, a voice inside him muttering.

As the sun raced round, the bike moved slowly past mansions
Where loathsome creatures live with the ghosts of those they have wronged.
They pray desperately that no one will betray them with the truth.
Behind vine-covered walls, they know the solitude of the suspect.

Back along the road, the bike returned to the bench and the sea.
Then, the sun dropped from the sky and the afternoon died a fiery death.
Later, sitting in the fading light, my heart heard what the day had told.
I was not prepared for what it had to say.

The day said the old woman’s husband watched from the beach as she swam.
It said the bird’s mate waited just out of sight.
It argued that my loneliness was mine alone, not theirs, as I had hoped.
It said I longed to live among the hated creatures just beyond the manicured hedges.
It shouted that I, too, hid behind walls, alone and torn apart – and by choice!
Then, the day seared my soul with a burning truth.
It said that loneliness was my only friend because I feared life.
It held that Death would not be kind to me.
It whispered that my solitude was suspect.

 

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Loud Silence

What can I do when the silence sets in

So deafening I can hear my heart beat

Its more frightening than it has ever been

Once again I retreat

 

 

From life, filled with shame and a tear

Needing a hug a friendly face, a smile

Needing someone near

Even if it’s only for a while

 

 

I shout Hey I’m nice, loving and kind !

Nobody’s listens and even the silence is too loud

So what’s the point of trying to find

A place to belong, to feel proud

 

 

Of who I am and how far I have come

The highest of hills and the deepest of seas

Impossible to imagine for some

That I did it all, survived, with ease

 

 

But the price I pay is steep

Lost myself, but make others smile

Me, the fighter, inside I weep

Longing to belong, if only for a while

 

 

I despise the silence but it comforts me as well

Safe from hurt, I ignore the chains

And the emptiness, no one can tell

That I feel this way, that the longing remains

 

 

Why can’t they see that I’m good and loving and kind ?

I guess it’s me who blocks their view

The one thing I’m looking for I can’t seem to find

What the Hell am I going to do ??

 

 

I open doors and lead the way

To my heart, my soul , me !

But no one never seems to stay

I look around , no one I see

 

 

I must be doing something wrong

To end up in the place I am

Too difficult , too weak, too strong?

I’m trying the best I can

 

 

To make others stay, to show I care

It works for a while and I am free!

But when I look again, nobody’s there

Yeah, it’s my fault I guess, it must be………

 

 

Without

Niser 11

How can nothingness fill you up so much,
if it is nothing  then you should feel nothing.
Yet some how I feel it,
it is a constant pain through out my body
a constant dull hollowness that is with me even in my happy times.
An overwhelming sense of solitude.
I haven’t asked for a lot I certainty don’t except it
yet I wait
hopefully
only to see the same door closed right before my eyes
again
I’m not good enough
not worthy enough
… not enough

too much
why keep trying it only adds more nothing to my already aching emptiness…
Just to be held,
is that a lot to want,
gently hold my face . . .to be looked in the eyes.
To bring that special smile to someone’s face that only a lover can bring.
To be the most important person to just one other person.

Not a lot.

But it is just over there  . .I can see it . I just can’t get a grip on it.
It’s never for me
It is for so many others
I tell my self it will come. I’m I lying to even myself.
What do I lack.

I wasn’t even there you know
my body,
maybe even my mind
but my soul . .no not my soul.
Not that you missed it. . . they never have
…what scares me is they never will
sometimes, very rare but it has been none to happen . .
just a glimpse has made its way through, I wonder if the difference has even
been noticed by you or him.
I shift my eyes so you can’t see me . . .did you see . . .did you look . .
.did it scare you
it scares me
such confusion lies within in me
to long for something with everything in you
but to be so scared of it actually coming to be
some where
I have to believe he is somewhere
he who can take away my fear
he who’s eyes will tell me what my heart needs to feel
I’ll never hurt you
I’ll never leave you
always stay faithful
please . . .strike me before you lay with another
for a my flesh will heal
I know my soul would not
security
content ness . . .
to lay in your arms and feel love, and to feel safe
to feel beautiful in your eyes
to feel.

My Neighbor’s Window

By Jeanne Dakota

Reaching through shadows from a large elm tree, the bright sunlight spotlights my neighbor’s upstairs window. The white window pane glows against dark blue asphalt tile siding. I don’t usually notice this window from my home across the street. Most days it fades into the woods around it.

The whimsical white lace curtains open to a sliver of darkness within, and I wonder:

Does a woman awake in a warm bed, greeting her lover under the covers, their breaths commingled in the early morning chill, their hearts warm enough to compensate?

Or does she lay bereft of soulful heat, and gaze at the sunshine as I do, wishing it was enough to motivate her to fill another day’s emptiness, another blank slate awaiting either her actions or her apathy?

Between the two houses, the road is cleared from yesterday’s snow. As it has dried the road, so too might the sun evaporate my gloom, if I were to walk in it.

But inertia claims my body. No lover’s glee propels me out into a world where no one wonders how I arose from bed this cold winter’s day or whether I got up at all.

January 1, 2001

The Dog

I am not English,
But lost in an English country,
I use it to express myself…,
Express,
I don’t know how,
Or worse,
I don’t know what,
Or even this
Can this be expressed,
Since emptiness is inexpressible in words,
So my clumsiness is evermore symbolic.
Lost from myself, my roots, my youth, my culture,
Rottening full  of the same Angst,
But worse than the old Kierkegaard.

However,
I still have my dog.

SC