Not worth my tears,
Not worth my blood,
Yet, I still cry,
Yes, I still cut.
I feel so alone,
Just me, myself and I,
I always thought that was ok,
Turns out to have been a lie.
I know what I wanted to happen,
On this family holiday,
To spend some time alone with you,
Your face and actions scream stay away.
We should have had that talk,
Before we boarded the plane,
You didn’t want to do that though,
Didn’t notice I was in pain.
I know that I caused what you did,
You put up with me for long enough,
But you couldn’t bring yourself to talk to me,
Cheating? That was just rough.
I have never liked lies in any form,
The truth hurts but in a different way,
Now I question every single thing,
What you do and what you say.
Sitting in the back of this car,
Crying very quietly,
Our daughter and your mum on my left,
You driving and your dad in front of me.
Our boys are with your uncle,
Your brother’s driving them in the other car,
I am here all by myself,
Stupidly I didn’t think about it being so far.
I know its a few thousand miles,
Only for a couple of weeks,
It was way too soon to attempt this,
I’m praying my tears leave no streaks.
So what happens when we get home?
You’ve got her and I’ve got the kids,
You will continue to lie and to hurt me,
Truly, you are a shit.
I know you have a lot on your plate,
Losing your job and maybe your home,
I’m the last person you want to think about,
You think I just bitch and moan.
Even after all you have done,
I miss you more and more,
I know that you don’t want me,
My being the mother of your kids must be such a bore.
There is another man,
An interested party,
He sounds quite safe and better still,
He thinks he could like me.
For all my dislike of lies,
I haven’t been entirely honest,
I neglected to mention my disability,
My depression? That’s just a bonus.
I will come clean before we meet,
Of that I have no doubt,
To meet before I drop that bombshell,
Would be uncomfortable should he wish to back out.
I ‘met’ him on a dating site,
We exchanged numbers and started to text,
It seems we have a lot in common,
On paper, he could be perfect.
I thought I was ready to meet,
Someone new, to try to love again,
Unfortunately, I’m still head over heels,
With the man who chose to walk away?
Is it just me being stupid?
He picked her more than once,
He truly doesn’t want me,
I have to stop being such a dunce.
I have to toughen up now,
It’s been two years that I’ve been alone,
I really didn’t think I would manage,
I don’t usually cope well on my own.
This has to be the end now,
Life is too damned short,
He’d still be cheating on me now,
If only he hadn’t been caught.
He comes out smelling of roses,
Like washing powder, whiter than white.
Well if that’s how it is going to be,
Then I’ll have to be alright.
Alright is exactly what I will be,
I have to be and that’s that,
I’m a dog person anyway,
Not going to be the lady with more than one cat!!