Web of Loneliness Poems

Poems of the Lonely

Category Archives: Discarded

A Day of Dying

Lying awake trying to push the memories away

The stupid things I’ve done

The stupid things I’ve said

The life I’ve missed out on

The friends I’ve disgusted,

How they got tired of me

The only one who ever wanted me

I wish I would die.

 

I see my face

I see my frame

I scrutinise ever aspect

Is it really that bad?

I turn away in shame

Nobody can want that

Why won’t I die?

 

I try to speak but I stumble over the words

I want to speak but my mind is blank

The people I hate

Make me feel like shit

But I can’t interact with the people I like

The one’s I want to be with

Could never want this

I think of the one that did

And I wish I was dead.

 

I’m cursing myself

I was rubbish at this

I was useless at that

I should not have said this

I wish I’d said  that

 

If I didn’t turn the wheel

Would I be saved by that tree?

A little swerve

That would be the end of me

 

There’s no one else here

No love, no child, no friend

A simple meal for one then

I think of her again

There’s no one out there

For me to go and see

I just want to fade away

 

Trying to push the memories away

Trying not to analyze the day

I groan in anger and despair

My fists pressed against my head

The life that’s gone

The life that’s ahead

The only one that wanted me

I try to sleep

While I wish I was dead.

By Sudhakar

Poems by MPK

The Enemy Within

The walls are crumbling…

distant cannons are rumbling,

the silence is screaming in my head,

the streets are deserted, but for the dead.

Why am I here all by myself?

Why have I been left here so bereft?

No one here to fight at my side,

the enemy approaches, nearly inside.

Why did everyone desert their posts?

Their armor here for none but ghosts.

My comrades lie here all alone,

on the streets made of crimson stone.

The stores are all burning, their fires fraught,

with reflections of battles we all fought.

For pride and spoils all was lost,

peace and honor were the cost.

The enemy is here, he’s at the gate,

I’m all alone now to meet my fate.

My captors are storming the great stone walls,

I hear their footsteps and their calls.

Where do I go now, where do I hide,

no mercy is left for me to abide.

The enemy is upon me, I feel the heat,

of their eyes upon me, pure hatred to meet.

My heart beats faster to a flutter,

panic arises, my throat to shutter.

Where once I was strong,

no hope can last long.

The enemy is here, no longer afield,

battlements no longer able to shield,

Where once was strength, no longer can be,

as the enemy is here, and it is in me.

-MPK

 

 

______________________________________________________________________________

 

 

My Heart Hurts

“My heart hurts” sounds like such a simple phrase,

but it’s meaning to me is great.

This phrase my last attempt to cry out

from the anger and hurt that won’t abate.

Not a very good descriptive

but the only one I have to explain,

the knots in my stomach moving up

to choke the air in my throat again.

“My heart hurts” is all I can tell the docs.

They look at me and try to see,

never realizing how true and

powerful this simple statement can be.

How long I have been fighting

these demons and anguish unseen?

How long can I live in this world

of charred remains of the old me?

‘Tis not the song of a lark in the morn,

but a cry from the dark within,

from my inner self so empty,

yet so full of anger to oblivion.

A locked Pandora’s box

riding heavily on my back,

tarnishing my heart and soul

in shades of green and black.

“My heart hurts”

Tis not a punishment for my beliefs,

Just pain unimaginable

piercing without mercy or relief.

My heart hurts is all I can say…

in hopes of keeping this horror at bay…

My heart hurts is all I may say…

to make it through another day…

My heart hurts is all I will say…

before I decide whether to go or stay.

–          mpk

______________________________________________________________________________

The Thief

This life I live seems bleak, and only but a lie,

these potent feeling overwhelm, and will not be denied..

I casually greet people living all around me, or so I make it seem,

but deep inside, my thoughts are raging, and swirling all around..

He came upon me when I was defenseless and so very fragile,

and stole my tender dreams, my control and all my power.

I tried and tried to fight and find some hidden weapon,

but in the end, he wore me down..retreat my only option.

I sit here on the edge, looking out and try to see,

The sunlight, mists and moonbeams; their beauty calls to me.

Sometimes I catch a feather, an angel dropped in passing.

I search deep inside my soul for truths not misbegotten,

Why can’t I be content with life just as it is?

Why does love elude me along with simple peace?

Sometimes it feels as if there just no more hope,

each day I have to struggle, for another way to cope.

Sometimes I wonder if my heart will be forever sealed.

I want to soar so very far away, free upon the wind,

but captive I still remain for he goes wherever I am,

he lives and breathes in the darkest realms of me.

Some days I feel a ray of hope or glimmer of love held out to me,

I grieve for the girl I used to be, who could laugh and do anything,

He does not let me feel the caress of hope on whispered breeze,

nor will he let me hear the words of comfort or of grace.

Why can’t I resist this roller coaster ride of shame?

Why can’t I just say no to this, my own other blackened side?

Sometimes I feel I cannot take the paralyzing pain,

I wonder if I’ll break apart, or even remain sane.

How can I abolish or relieve this dreadful terror?

How in the end, did I lose, all that I held so dear?

These question strike dread so deep within my heart,

I feel so alone, behind these frigid walls of stone.

The battle rages on, although I grow so weary…

When will this struggle end…that has so ravaged my soul?

Most days I scream inside and endure this horrid agony…

in silence, in the dark, alone and without leave.

In the end I think my death, may be the only way…

ghos to stop this potent thief…named Fear.

Smile

My smile makes me sick

I wonder what you see

Does it turn your stomach

As it does to me?

Does it look bright and sweet?

I can’t stand the way it feels

The memory of my reflection

Makes me feel so rotten

But I can’t help but smile

Now and then

I picture what it’s like

I try to kill it

I curse myself

The thought that I’ve carried out

The ridiculous contortion

The thought that you’ve seen it

It just makes me sick.

 

By Sudhakar

Delores’ Sagacity

O heavy heart that aches with despair

Lost, despondent, and left to die

O the soul that concedes to the pain

Inside of me that yet abides

Where is the joy that this life was to bring?

Days I would escape memories of the forgotten?

Hope is gone and darkness to swallow me

 Like grass that blankets the earth

 Joy, a facade; a mask to hide the plights

Of unrelenting torment

Wondering in the dark

Nightmares transmute reality

Seasons unchanging

The hand that is bitterness

Hold only misery and sorrow

Wielding its sword to fell

Every instrument of suffering

But, alas weary

Fatally wounded

I am, undone

Delores Collins: This poem was written by me in Jan 2007.

Other People’s Lives

And when someone talks about their children

The things they did that weekend

They played or cried or were told off

I smile

Inside I die

.

Then someone mentions their holiday plans

Pack up the kids and the other half

Get away for some family fun

I give a smile

But I feel like a shut in

Inside I die

.

Then someone talks about their exciting love life

Date upon date

Week after week a new man from the net

“You’ve got to get on and find a woman” they say

I’ve tried and I’m not wanted

Inside I die

.

Then a girl talks about trying to see her boyfriend

The effort she makes to see him

The travel for the long distance relationship

That’s great and I smile

Will anyone make an effort for me?

Inside I die

.

Then someone talks about their abuse

The violence, fear and cheating

The years it’s been going on

I’m not like that

So much for being a nice guy

Inside I die

.

When the unpleasant, dickish and annoying

Talk about their lives

They have children, husbands or wives

The worst find and keep someone

And I’m forever alone

Inside I die

.

My explanation. I can go through all this in one day. It makes me feel so empty. I feel my life has been wasted. I feel I’m rubbish. How undesirable must I be if those people from the last two verses get partners?