The Enemy Within
The walls are crumbling…
distant cannons are rumbling,
the silence is screaming in my head,
the streets are deserted, but for the dead.
Why am I here all by myself?
Why have I been left here so bereft?
No one here to fight at my side,
the enemy approaches, nearly inside.
Why did everyone desert their posts?
Their armor here for none but ghosts.
My comrades lie here all alone,
on the streets made of crimson stone.
The stores are all burning, their fires fraught,
with reflections of battles we all fought.
For pride and spoils all was lost,
peace and honor were the cost.
The enemy is here, he’s at the gate,
I’m all alone now to meet my fate.
My captors are storming the great stone walls,
I hear their footsteps and their calls.
Where do I go now, where do I hide,
no mercy is left for me to abide.
The enemy is upon me, I feel the heat,
of their eyes upon me, pure hatred to meet.
My heart beats faster to a flutter,
panic arises, my throat to shutter.
Where once I was strong,
no hope can last long.
The enemy is here, no longer afield,
battlements no longer able to shield,
Where once was strength, no longer can be,
as the enemy is here, and it is in me.
My Heart Hurts
“My heart hurts” sounds like such a simple phrase,
but it’s meaning to me is great.
This phrase my last attempt to cry out
from the anger and hurt that won’t abate.
Not a very good descriptive
but the only one I have to explain,
the knots in my stomach moving up
to choke the air in my throat again.
“My heart hurts” is all I can tell the docs.
They look at me and try to see,
never realizing how true and
powerful this simple statement can be.
How long I have been fighting
these demons and anguish unseen?
How long can I live in this world
of charred remains of the old me?
‘Tis not the song of a lark in the morn,
but a cry from the dark within,
from my inner self so empty,
yet so full of anger to oblivion.
A locked Pandora’s box
riding heavily on my back,
tarnishing my heart and soul
in shades of green and black.
“My heart hurts”
Tis not a punishment for my beliefs,
Just pain unimaginable
piercing without mercy or relief.
My heart hurts is all I can say…
in hopes of keeping this horror at bay…
My heart hurts is all I may say…
to make it through another day…
My heart hurts is all I will say…
before I decide whether to go or stay.
This life I live seems bleak, and only but a lie,
these potent feeling overwhelm, and will not be denied..
I casually greet people living all around me, or so I make it seem,
but deep inside, my thoughts are raging, and swirling all around..
He came upon me when I was defenseless and so very fragile,
and stole my tender dreams, my control and all my power.
I tried and tried to fight and find some hidden weapon,
but in the end, he wore me down..retreat my only option.
I sit here on the edge, looking out and try to see,
The sunlight, mists and moonbeams; their beauty calls to me.
Sometimes I catch a feather, an angel dropped in passing.
I search deep inside my soul for truths not misbegotten,
Why can’t I be content with life just as it is?
Why does love elude me along with simple peace?
Sometimes it feels as if there just no more hope,
each day I have to struggle, for another way to cope.
Sometimes I wonder if my heart will be forever sealed.
I want to soar so very far away, free upon the wind,
but captive I still remain for he goes wherever I am,
he lives and breathes in the darkest realms of me.
Some days I feel a ray of hope or glimmer of love held out to me,
I grieve for the girl I used to be, who could laugh and do anything,
He does not let me feel the caress of hope on whispered breeze,
nor will he let me hear the words of comfort or of grace.
Why can’t I resist this roller coaster ride of shame?
Why can’t I just say no to this, my own other blackened side?
Sometimes I feel I cannot take the paralyzing pain,
I wonder if I’ll break apart, or even remain sane.
How can I abolish or relieve this dreadful terror?
How in the end, did I lose, all that I held so dear?
These question strike dread so deep within my heart,
I feel so alone, behind these frigid walls of stone.
The battle rages on, although I grow so weary…
When will this struggle end…that has so ravaged my soul?
Most days I scream inside and endure this horrid agony…
in silence, in the dark, alone and without leave.
In the end I think my death, may be the only way…
ghos to stop this potent thief…named Fear.