Web of Loneliness Poems

Poems of the Lonely

Without


Niser 11

How can nothingness fill you up so much,
if it is nothing  then you should feel nothing.
Yet some how I feel it,
it is a constant pain through out my body
a constant dull hollowness that is with me even in my happy times.
An overwhelming sense of solitude.
I haven’t asked for a lot I certainty don’t except it
yet I wait
hopefully
only to see the same door closed right before my eyes
again
I’m not good enough
not worthy enough
… not enough

too much
why keep trying it only adds more nothing to my already aching emptiness…
Just to be held,
is that a lot to want,
gently hold my face . . .to be looked in the eyes.
To bring that special smile to someone’s face that only a lover can bring.
To be the most important person to just one other person.

Not a lot.

But it is just over there  . .I can see it . I just can’t get a grip on it.
It’s never for me
It is for so many others
I tell my self it will come. I’m I lying to even myself.
What do I lack.

I wasn’t even there you know
my body,
maybe even my mind
but my soul . .no not my soul.
Not that you missed it. . . they never have
…what scares me is they never will
sometimes, very rare but it has been none to happen . .
just a glimpse has made its way through, I wonder if the difference has even
been noticed by you or him.
I shift my eyes so you can’t see me . . .did you see . . .did you look . .
.did it scare you
it scares me
such confusion lies within in me
to long for something with everything in you
but to be so scared of it actually coming to be
some where
I have to believe he is somewhere
he who can take away my fear
he who’s eyes will tell me what my heart needs to feel
I’ll never hurt you
I’ll never leave you
always stay faithful
please . . .strike me before you lay with another
for a my flesh will heal
I know my soul would not
security
content ness . . .
to lay in your arms and feel love, and to feel safe
to feel beautiful in your eyes
to feel.

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