Web of Loneliness Poems

Poems of the Lonely

I am Afraid


i am afraid

forty winters of loneliness

forty long, cold, empty years

one single unbroken night

 

forty years of the cold-shoulder

of mockery

of laughter

of despair

 

i love

but

no one loves me

 

i am afraid

 

i am a worthless piece of shit

a failure

 

everything i touch

i ruin

 

that which i have done

out of thoughtfulness

out of compassion

out of love

comes back to haunt me

 

eyes bore into me

asking

how do you dare

to think you could be human

to have feelings of warmth and tenderness

or to be allowed to express them

 

i am afraid

 

i am afraid because

i am alone

and tired

 

tired of passing through this existence

as an unseen spirit

alone

tired of being sick of heart

tired of my heart being a pain-filled void

tired of looking towards another forty years

alone and unloved

 

never worthy of being held

never worthy of being told, “I love you” or “I need you”

never mattering

 

i am afraid

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